He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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