dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize