I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
