He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So apparently I’m into choking now
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