Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
