All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
