I wish I could teleport
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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