I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize