Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
