it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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