Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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