i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize