I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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