Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
