there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize