I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
