Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
