she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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