Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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