I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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