I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
