Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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