I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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