I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
