but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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