come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
