How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
