the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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