He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
