Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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