Screwed.edu
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
