distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
