Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
