dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
