i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
