good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
