Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
