I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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