I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
