Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You can't motorboat a personality
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
