You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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