When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
