he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
