I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
