I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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