you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
