This is not my ceiling
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
