You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
