If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
