I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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