remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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