I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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