so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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