i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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