When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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