So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
