I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
