6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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