So drunk its hurt
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
