A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
