Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
