there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
