you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
