i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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