YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
