you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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