it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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