Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
