i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
