I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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