With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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