Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Everclear isn't food dammit
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
