guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
