WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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