piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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