Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
