peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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