woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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