upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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