It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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