So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
