I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
