Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
