had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I pour the whiskey from now on
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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