All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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