The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
