Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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