Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize