I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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