Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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