So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
