you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
dude. I can hear the air.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
