Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
