i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Two words: blizzard sex
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
