I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize