is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
