i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
