Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
