Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
