How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
