i already hear my dad disowning me
We named our party play list daddy issues
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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