morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
